No Thanks.

Miss Manners hasn't written a column yet for how to say no gracefully.

We have friends who seek to invite us out to a restaurant. Nothing wrong. Nice graceful people. But we just don't want to go. I don't see their question as an affront. And I have to find the right way to be able to say no.

It seems to be such a simple matter. Nice people, nice friends, want to invite us out. So why be sour? Why be some sullen old geezers that say no?

But what if you really are not interested -- I mean REALLY not interested? I have no interest in spending two or three hours holed up in a little restaurant with these people. I have no interest in eating restaurant food, nor an appetite for it. And I have no interest in masquerading with innocuous and meaningless conversation.

So they send us an e-mail and invite us. I should respond and decline gracefully. But instead, I fudge. I simply don't respond. I simply ignore the e-mail. As if, hoping they will go away? Well yes, they will go away. But perhaps they will go away more confused, less friendly, and thinking that either we were standoffish, or simply unfriendly.

And yet sometimes, because of the nature of who they are, I would rather handle it this way, than being upfront and refuse them.

Relationships get complex and messy sometimes.