Memory

So I took the plunge. I looked at the Black Friday sales, and at one of the distributors I noticed the possibility of purchasing 1 GB of RAM for all of $49 after rebate. And after very little hesitation I did so. Adding that 1 GB RAM I now have 1 1/2 gigabytes of online RAM in my computer.

What a world of the difference the extra RAM makes! Not only does my computer runs smoother with fewer clicks of my hard drive, but every program seems to have much more speed and sharpness to it, even though the task manager doesn't seem to be indicating that much of the memory is being used. I think Windows knows how to use that virtual memory as a virtual drive -- and that allows each program from smoother.

It's good to have more memory. I'm too tired to finish this right now.

Convention, a Year Later

The convention is here again, but I don't really mind. What a difference a year makes! I will explain.

Last year, and for numerous years, it bothered me when the big convention came to town. Specifically, since I've started to live in the same town. It recalled to me the reality that I was not part of the convention. I did not belong as an active member, and I did not participate.

But the biggest problem was not simply that I wasn't an attendee at the convention -- but that I was more or less not an attendee at anything. I was without a job. I was without a place to call my own where my talents could be used for a productive purpose. I wasn't simply unemployed so that I had no money -- I was unemployed so that I seemed and felt like I had no purpose.

Praise the One Above! This year I was offered and accepted a teaching position on a college-level. I walk into a classroom three times a week. In another month, that will be expanded from three to eight periods. I sit with a group of intelligent and earnest students who desire to learn. I am given the opportunity to think, create, analyze, and define a coherent lesson to teach them.

The feeling of usefulness, the feeling that one is no longer "old hat" but still has value and can still utilize one's talents -- is a lifesaver. A long time ago, a prominent thinker, teacher, and psychologist told me, "you are too young to retire. You have much to give and it's way too early for you to stop giving."

I could not agree with him more, but did not have where to go with that idea. I first accepted a position in a different institution where the desire to teach and the desire to learn was a tug-of-war. Not only was that not a positive experience for me, but it was actually quite counterproductive.

But this year so much has changed. I am so thankful to have been given the opportunity to join the staff at this college. It is a small, elite, and very special place. And it is a place where I feel my contribution is wanted, appreciated, and needed. And it is the place -- and the type of place -- that I always wanted to be involved with.

So the convention is in town. But that's okay. No hard feelings and no unhappy memories. Life has taken a turn for the better. And I am so appreciative.

What a difference a year makes.

Enjoy your convention folks, I'm doing fine.

The Doctor's Office Wait

Those who have walked in darkness, have seen a great light.

THE WAIT

Patience is a virtue -- one that is much stretched sometimes to its outer limits.

The doctor's visit

I had an occasion to visit an orthopedist the other day -- well actually not the other day -- today. I had an appointment at 1230 afternoon. But I had to wait three hours to see the doctor. Not that his visits her that long -- he stayed with me all of approximately 6 minutes, and this was my first initial visit. I was told by the Secretary that this will take a long time. But of course I didn't, the wait did.

Why you ask? I think it is this doctor's office operated pretty much like Delta Airlines -- they overbooked. They had 1520 people, hobbled in a small waiting room, waiting to be taken and see the doctor. In my opinion of course, it was unnecessary, and inconsiderate to their patients. But it was probably more lucrative to the doctor.

Under other circumstances I might have balked, maybe even just walked out. But I needed to see him to go through some formalities, and I did. He was considerate, cordial, and seemed to be efficient. It was a done deal. He took three hours of my day and I gave it today.

I did it not because I have the patience, nor because I can tolerate that kind of wait -- but simply because it was necessary. A year ago when I had a similar experience in a dentist's office -- while my tooth was in horrible pain and I was being ignored -- that was a completely different story. I was angry and mad at the lack of consideration, the insensitivity of the people there. But I couldn't say the same today. I think today they were just running along the way they usually do, and I was just one more spoke in the wheel.

Tolerance, patience, when needed -- we seem to find the way.

"Having said that ... "

There's a conference taking place in Boston, to address the issue of intermarried couples and conversion.

Well, what BNL!? The truth is it's not what I want to address it all here -- what I want to address here is one more posting about quick ready dragon speak naturally dictation where an entire text can appear on a page in approximately a minute or less.

Now that's not always that easy to accomplish. And the reason that it is difficult is because you really have to have what to say, to be able to create contents that will translate itself into text. So really in a sense, rapidfire dictation necessitates also a period rapidfire thinking be rapidfire contents see rapidfire destination.

Let me explain what I mean when I say rapidfire destination: if you don't have where to go, how the Higgins will you get there??? If you have a specific concept or idea that you wish to communicate, then hopefully it has a beginning a middle and an end. You have a general idea what you want to say, and you bother to go through the process of saying it. Not bad.

But now we come to another aspect of all of this, and that the idea of rapidfire dictation when you truly don't have a specific point you want to make. Nevertheless, you need to have the same number of words appear on a screen, so that your text does at least take up physical space -- well, at least virtual space.

I must also mention that I'm using version 9. I'm very happy with the software. I do see a difference between one version and the other. Having said that, I want to reiterate the following.

I like that expression, "having said that." What a piece of crap! When you say something, either saved or don't say it! But why give the false illusion of saying something, and then proceeding it by saying having said that, and then proceeding to contradict that! People often say things that have absolutely little meaning, just because they're politically correct. Then they make a point of saying -- well, I didn't really mean that at all. What I truly mean to say is... and they continue to say something contrary to their first statement thinking that they can make amends and simply by saying having said that!

The truth is, all of this is just nonsensical verbiage placed here on the screen so that it can occupy a column -- needed for a test blog. A test blog, you ask? What is there to test about the blog? And how long does the test blog has to continue? The truth is, those words too, are just a lot of fooey. They say nothing, they mean nothing, and they accomplish nothing.

How was that, for extended rapidfire dictating verbiage of nonsensical and illogical benefit? Not bad for two in the morning.

Car Strikes Down, God Lifts Up

Now to verse four: The story of my week!

4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for Thou art with me; Thy rod and Thy staff, they comfort me.

4. Though I walk in the valley overshadowed by death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me. Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me

This verse really hit home this week.

Sunday afternoon, as the light turned green, my wife and I -- the sweetest woman in the world -- crossed a six lane Parkway in the crosswalk. A car turned from the adjoining avenue into the Parkway. The driver failed to notice that there were pedestrians in the walkway and proceeded to hit us. We were both struck by the vehicle and thrown to the ground.

Suddenly, for the first time in my life I was hit by a car, found myself sitting in the middle of this six lane parkway, with cars waiting to come at me as soon as the light turned green. I was bruised, injured, and had no idea to what extent. All I knew is - I’m on the ground.

My wife was just lightly swiped, but also fell to the ground. My first concern was her, and her first concern was me. She looked at me, with the most loving eyes in the world, but worry written all over her face, and said to me, “just tell me, are you okay?” And I nodded to the sweet woman, who is the joy of my life, “I'm in pain, but I’ll be okay.” And I asked her the same and she said “my wrist hurts but otherwise I'm ok.” And she picked herself up off the ground.

The driver came out of his car. Perhaps it would have been nicer had he chose to find out if we were injured, and express some regret for striking us. Instead, his comments to the forming crowd of people around was, “hey it was an accident. I stopped, and didn’t run. I had a green light.” Very concerned about defending himself.

But to tell you the truth, he was irrelevant to me at that moment. I knew I was struck by God, and I knew that if God struck me down, God will lift me up.

An ambulance came and took us to the hospital, me on a stretcher, my wife sitting beside me. She is the most comforting person.

I was taken to the emergency room and x-rayed and checked over for about five hours. There were bruises on my left side, some soft tissue injuries to my leg, but thank God, no broken bones. After five hours I was discharged with a bandage here and there, but no worse for the wear. Bruises and pain but no breaks. My wife too, had a few little bruises, but thank God is getting better. Thank God she was hurt much less than I was.

A jolly, white haired doctor in the emergency room -- one of those angels God sends to deliver God’s messages to you -- told me, “you were just hit by a car and no broken bones? Would you buy a lottery ticket for me? You’re obviously a very lucky guy!”

The taxi driver who took us home told us that just before taking us, he drove home a woman whose husband was in a collision. His car was crashed into by a Jeep, and he had a crushed collarbone and broken ribs and was in critical condition being operated on. The Jamaican driver, who was another one of those angels God sends your way so that you know that He is talking to you, said to me, "Sir, if you are walking home on your own two feet you are truly blessed."

And I knew it to be true. I had my close brush with death, God forbid. When a car strikes you its different than falling down a flight of stairs. A car is a two-ton bullet. We read everyday in the papers about pedestrians hit by cars -- and losing their lives.

I went home that evening, knowing one thing:

4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for Thou art with me; Thy rod and Thy staff, they comfort me.

I walked through the valley of the shadow of death - but I was not alone. God was with me. Cars -- and their drivers -- do not give life, nor take life. Only God does. If it was meant to be "my time," then I would be taken by the Lord. And it were not my time, no one can take my life. “I will fear no evil for Thou art with me.”

“Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.”

Even the afflictions that come to me, come from You, O Lord.

A shepherd uses his stick for two purposes -- or perhaps he carries two sticks -- a rod, with which to prod and sometimes strike the sheep into place and a staff upon which to support his weary body when he stops to rest.

God is both our rod and our staff. He supports us with his staff, and at times, for reasons sometimes known only to Himself -- He chastises us with His rod.

But "they comfort me,” I am comforted by both.

As long as I know the affliction comes from God, I know it is for my own good, necessary, and in my best interest. Much like a parent that gives a child a bitter medicine. It might taste bitter on the outside, but it surely is for the good on the inside.

Laying on the ground, my eyes saw three lanes of cars facing me on a busy Sunday afternoon, waiting for the light to turn green almost ready to come at me. But I was not afraid.

I knew that God who struck me down, will surely lift me up again. I knew if I was just smitten by His ROD -- His STAFF will not be far behind.

I knew that the God who hurts, is also the God who heals. I was in His hands. And I was comforted. I felt a wave of comfort pass over me like never before. I was being touched by the Lord.

I am recuperating now, hopefully going to get better day by day. But I feel closer to God than ever. Praise the Lord whom I love with every fiber of my being.

Map-Dot-Fingerprint

The condition is referred to as Cogan's dystrophy.

The symptoms among patients may vary widely in severity and include:

Light sensitivity

Glare

Fluctuating vision

Blurred vision

Irregular astigmatism (uneven corneal surface)

Mild to extreme irritation and discomfort that is worse in the morning

Corneal tear or rip with sharp rip stinging pain often lasting several days.

Among the various forms of care for this dystrophy, the following are the more common:

Medical Care: Numerous treatment options are available, and like the disease itself, results are variable and differ from patient to patient.

• Hypertonic drops or ointment often are the first line of treatment. They may help both irregular astigmatism and recurrent corneal erosion problems. Sodium chloride (5%) drops at breakfast, lunch, and dinner; and ointment at bedtime is recommended.

• Nonhypertonic lubricating drops or ointment: The only prospective study to date detected no difference in results of bland versus hypertonic lubricating treatment.

• Consider patching for acute episodes of associated corneal erosions.

• Bandage extended wear soft contact lens occasionally may be useful but risk of infectious keratitis makes this a secondary choice.

• Hard or gas-permeable contact lens may improve vision by masking corneal irregular astigmatism but often is poorly tolerated because of increased corneal fragility/erosion problems.

Surgical Care:

• Debridement/superficial keratectomy is preferred, for both significant visual loss from associated irregular astigmatism and recurrent corneal erosions, if treatment with hypertonic drops and ointment fails. Combined debridement and superficial keratectomy can be completed easily in the office setting, at the slit lamp, using topical proparacaine or a similar anesthetic drop. Place a lid speculum, then debride (with a rather blunt Kimura spatula) the entire extent of any loosely adherent epithelium or basement membrane level opacities. With sweeping and pushing motions using the trailing or leading edges of the instrument, keeping nearly parallel to the corneal plane, redundant basement membrane level material can be massaged away, while maintaining the integrity of the Bowman layer.

• Diamond burr superficial keratectomy is very useful for recurrent erosions associated with map-dot-fingerprint dystrophy that does not respond to keratectomy with a Kimura spatula. Following epithelial debridement, a 4- or 5-mm diameter diamond-dusted burr very gently is used to polish the basement membrane throughout the area of epithelial debridement.

• Excimer laser phototherapeutic keratectomy is an excellent treatment for recurrent corneal erosions associated with map-dot-fingerprint dystrophy, with results similar to above superficial keratectomy procedures (but much more expensive in most settings).

• Corneal anterior stromal needle puncture is useful for recurrent corneal erosions from trauma that recur in the same location. This procedure is not as successful for recurrent erosions associated with map-dot-fingerprint dystrophy, which is usually more diffuse and often migratory.

Perhaps the most frustrating aspect of Cogan's dystrophy, (also known as map-dot-fingerprint dystrophy) is the Following SPECIAL CONCERN.

Special Concerns:

• While patients with map-dot-fingerprint dystrophy may be bothered by painful recurrent erosion episodes and/or decreased vision, they typically are most frustrated by the unpredictability of the condition. They may have an episode of pain and poor vision the day of their wedding or of an important presentation after being asymptomatic for weeks or months. Physicians need to understand this important concern, as do others. Patients under such circumstances should not be pressured to perform or do activities while they are suffering from the pain of their erosion episode.

Night Riders

Night riders come rushing down the street. Zooming down the block swerving on two wheels around the corner.

Night riders come to take possession in the darkness that which they are denied in the light. Under cover of darkness they weave their way in and out of tight city streets and dark forsaken alleys. What are they looking for? Are they looking to simply release steam, burn off excess energy, or run away from the self that they dare not confront.

There are so many night riders in the big city. People for whom the daylight is a curse and night is their only cover. They emerge into the solitude and embrace the darkness because it is the only window that exists for them.

Lonely souls who find comfort in the persecution of others. Wretched folk who mug the innocent, rob the vulnerable, and hold hostage the weak.

The story we have recently read of the young woman who was abducted at night only to be found again five o'clock in the morning bound and gagged and tossed back to the same parking lot from which she was abducted, is one illustration of the dark decrepit souls of the night riders. He has implanted horror and terror in her life for the rest of her days. We all will not rest until he is caught, tried and convicted.

Night riders. At times, the scum of the earth.

No Thanks.

Miss Manners hasn't written a column yet for how to say no gracefully.

We have friends who seek to invite us out to a restaurant. Nothing wrong. Nice graceful people. But we just don't want to go. I don't see their question as an affront. And I have to find the right way to be able to say no.

It seems to be such a simple matter. Nice people, nice friends, want to invite us out. So why be sour? Why be some sullen old geezers that say no?

But what if you really are not interested -- I mean REALLY not interested? I have no interest in spending two or three hours holed up in a little restaurant with these people. I have no interest in eating restaurant food, nor an appetite for it. And I have no interest in masquerading with innocuous and meaningless conversation.

So they send us an e-mail and invite us. I should respond and decline gracefully. But instead, I fudge. I simply don't respond. I simply ignore the e-mail. As if, hoping they will go away? Well yes, they will go away. But perhaps they will go away more confused, less friendly, and thinking that either we were standoffish, or simply unfriendly.

And yet sometimes, because of the nature of who they are, I would rather handle it this way, than being upfront and refuse them.

Relationships get complex and messy sometimes.

On the Other Hand

Come Let Us Reason Together

There are issues whose adherents are very adamant that they have found the truth on their side. Those adherents who are so certain of the absolute truth of their point of view, have little or no tolerance to hear the other side.

You know the type. They're stuffy and so filled with their own selves. Hey, that wasn't a very intelligent sentence but who cares. So there we are in Gotham trying to arrange a paragraph for fast dictation. When some people are so hell-bent on their own views, that they are going to do everything it takes to make sure their view prevails, there is little room for dialogue.

Perhaps this was indicated in the community election that recently took place. There were sides, but the two sides did not have a chance to articulate the differences clearly enough. Because one side was sure that it had the truth on its side, it therefore did all that it can to push through its agenda. It took a communal vote, but when the people to fail to come out because they were not committed to its cause, they extended the vote for five days. Now what kind of an action is that? When you have ballots in a box overnight and there is no one guarding them, who is to stop someone with nefarious schemes from stuffing the ballot box?

And to go through the neighborhood with sound cars blaring and blasting, telling people come out and vote come out and vote -- where was the other side? This side even offered to come to your house and offer you a private ballot if you are "too scared, frightened, or intimidated to come to the polling place."

Methinks that they protest too loudly. Where were the reasonable discussions? Where were the broad committees that should have chosen the candidates, and they should not have been chosen, hand-picked actually, by one or two individuals.

In truth, those elected will be mostly irrelevant to the vast majority of the community. Indeed that entire group is mostly irrelevant.

The saddest part of this entire election is that in the end it really didn't count or matter very much at all.

Clueless Computing

Not having dictated a message for such an extensive time, makes it incumbent upon me to do so now. Many events take place in a person's life that do not allow for freedom of time. Especially a happy or joyous event that was three months in the planning.

Nevertheless, thankfully a new day has arrived, the good stuff is behind us. And now, any more time that lingers and does not have a message will only be to our detriment.

So we are back to quick mode dictation. I went to deliver an address in Michigan. It was a nice institution with a fine director. An old friend, we had attended the same postgraduate university program several decades ago. I found it most interesting. He's an intelligent, cultured person who is very dedicated to his position and constituency. But to my surprise, he is largely computer illiterate. I know he possesses a cell phone, but that's probably as close as he comes to modern technology. He has computers in his office and computers at home. His wife uses his computer at home to type a synopsis of his speeches. But when he sits down to the computer he cannot make heads or tails.

So I just had to suggest it to him. I told him, hey -- you'd like to transcribe your speeches. Or at least you'd like to put some of your ideas on paper. But when it comes to typing you hunt and peck with two fingers at most, or perhaps only one. I'll tell you what. Why don't you try Dragon NaturallySpeaking?

Of course, he asked me what the jiggers is that?! I explained to him that it was dictation software, and how all he would need to do would be to correct a few little incidental errors here and there. He was quite interested and asked me how does one go about procuring such software. I offered to purchase a copy for him. He was most thankful.

I'm in the process of ordering the software for him. But in truth, I feel it will be to no avail. He won't know how to open the program correctly, and he surely will not know how to correct errors.

Some people, just never learn.

Hot Buttons

Got a Hot Button?
It's at 6:30 a.m. I finally mail that e-mail with my great and big financial appeal for a contribution. What am I doing up so early -- or is it so late?

I want to fill up two pages now with words. I want just to allow the words of flow and see a great my good friend dragon speak naturally does perform. And that is exactly what I'm going to do.

There are days that are like no other. What are they, I don't exactly know! But aren't there days you just know will be lucky days? Aren't there days when you just feel that everything is going to go just right!?

Maybe they are, maybe they're not. But I think there's a big difference between a day with good attitude or a day with bad attitude. Yes, it all boils down to that very simple, tired, old worn out phrase and cliché: Attitude!

As a wise scholar once said: You are not what you think you are -- but what you think, you are! 98% of it is in the mind. No, not all of it. Some things actually occur externally. If a person is, God forbid, hit by a truck, that is not in the mind. If a person breaks out with yellow fever, that is not in the mind. But perceived slights, insults, fences -- or hesitation, shyness, or lack of assertiveness -- that IS in the mind.

And the mind, is either our best friend or our worst enemy. I've lived with my mind, for many many years. An understatement. There are so many buttons in my mind that I wish I could turn off. There are so many hot buttons that I wish I could cool down. And there are so many hesitation buttons that just stand in my way.

But as time marches on, I must attack these buttons and get them out of my way quickly. Because life is not going to wait for me to catch up. And today, is never coming back again.

I don't know, I just don't know. But I sure wish I could short-circuit some of these buttons.

Cold Bones

Bones get Cold

Yes my friend, bones can get cold. And when they do -- when the wind and the dampness and the cold seeps into the bones, you feel it!

Over 15 years ago on an early morning, I slipped on the cold wet pavement and fell down. I got up and I had fractured my humerus bone. That's the bone that connects the shoulder to the elbow, for those not familiar. For weeks after that, I could not sleep in a bed, but had to sleep in a recliner. And all I could do to heal the bone was to wear a sling for probably a month or more.

Well thankfully 15 years later the bone has healed. But the damage lingers. When it gets cold outside, or damp, I feel a pain -- sometimes a stabbing pain -- in my arm. And when I sleep at night, if I sleep on that shoulder I feel it.

It's just a reminder, and a painful one that some things never go away.

Yes, I'm trying to think of words to dictate to continue to train my dictation software, "Dragon, Naturally Speaking." But my ideas are running dry this morning. Nothing seems to come to mind. Writers block? Probably. Not exactly a sin or crime -- but frustrating nonetheless.

So I have to do rapid dictation. Rapid dictation as you must know from our previous posts, is where I just let the words pour out. It's as if you pinch yourself and you say get them out, get them out, get them out. But say what, or is it best to say nothing at all?

The truth is I am torn inside me at this moment. I have other obligations and I must tend to and I'm dodging them. Primarily, I have to call someone and try to negotiate a contribution from them to a good cause. And I'm not very comfortable doing so. So I struggle -- and procrastinate.

Okay, enough for now.

All Tied Up with Pins and Needles

"I'll Try."

What do those two words mean? When you ask someone to do a task, either as a favor or an obligation -- what is the meaning of the response "I'll try?" Will you do it, or won’t you do it? You’ll ‘try’ to see if you can close the door? Meet the family at 7 p.m. in Sacramento? Actually take out the trash?

We have allowed clichés to seep into our culture and consciousness and we tolerate them, despite the fact that they mean different things to different people. Consequently, our communication is stifled, confused, and often misunderstood.

A case in point: "I'll see you later." You will? How? You’re taking a plane to Kalamazoo, and I'm going back to Baltimore. Where will you see me??

Another example: "let's have lunch sometime." Oh? Actually, I expect to have lunch every-time; today, tomorrow, and probably the next day too. Did you mean that we ought to have lunch together? But you're flying to Kalamazoo -- and your plane is leaving in an hour. Gosh, that's why I drove you to the airport! And now you think of lunch?!

And what about: "I'm sitting on pins and needles." Well for heavens sake, get up! That's got to be mighty painful, all those pins and needles. And there you are, sitting on them?!

And finally, for now: "I'm all tied up." As in, "I'd love to go to lunch with you but I'm all tied up." You are? Would you like me to call the police? Are you tied up of your own free will? Or has someone done this to you? Is this a daily occurrence?

These expressions and clichés are not really bothersome for us locals, because we've learned to read between the lines. But we need to realize that our language, English, has become a global form of communication -- especially with the Internet. Using clichés in an international arena can cause much confusion. The gentleman from Bolivia, or the woman from Indonesia, who have struggled to master the English-language, just get more confused when they have to decide about taking lunch sometime with someone who is sitting on pins and needles and all tied up.

On Crossing the Threshold to a New Year

On Crossing the Threshold to a New Year

Stopping By Woods On A Snowy Evening

by Robert Frost.

Whose woods these are I think I know.

His house is in the village, though;

He will not see me stopping here

To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it's queer

To stop without a farmhouse near

Between the woods and frozen lake

The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake

To ask if there's some mistake.

The only other sound's the sweep

Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark, and deep,

But I have promises to keep,

And miles to go before I sleep,

And miles to go before I sleep.

Every year at the stroke of midnight, the night between December 31 and January 1, we usher in a "New Year."

A quick thought for all of us. The woods are lovely, dark and deep, but I have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep, and miles to go before I sleep.

As each year fades and each new one arrives, we become more aware of the ticking clock. The journey remains long, but we dare not slacken.

Because in truth, we all have -- promises to keep.

And we've got a lot more to go, to reach our destination. And miles to go before I sleep, and miles to go before I sleep.

A very happy and thoughtful New Year's to you all!